The Boys Keep Swinging
by Lil' Eowyn
Summary: Seventh year of hogwarts and everyone is all grown up and embracing sex, drugs and plenty of rock 'n' roll. Harry must come to terms with the realisation that he must face Voldemort, and save the ones he loves at the same time... A HD YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED
1. Love is only a feeling

**Title: **The Boys Keep Swinging

**Category:** Harry Potter, h/d?

**Rating:** I give it: R, simply for the language, themes and use of drugs.

**Summary: **It's the final year for Harry and his friends and they couldn't be more different then the day they first arrived. They're living it up and experimenting with drugs, alcohol and so much more. Of course the Dark Lord is still around and even though they've all pushed it to the back of their minds Potter and his clan must all face up to the fact they will have to fight. A tantalising tale of love and war... and of course: sex, drugs and rock 'n' roll. NOTE… H/D SLASH… YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED…

**Main Characters:**

**Harry Potter: **17-year-old heartthrob with black unruly hair and emerald green eyes that have everyone swooning. He's confident, witty and totally in control of his life, he won't let anyone tell him otherwise or pull him back into line (he does everything his way). He's always into change; he gets bored easily and becomes something different. He's a true go-getter, he has everything he desires… But inside he's craving something he can't recognise.

**Draco Malfoy:** Yet another 17 year old heartthrob with an attitude to kill. He's confident, sure of himself and a victim of love. Forgetting his days as a dazzling blonde Draco dyed his blonde locks black. This boy is all about eyeliner, black nail polish, love, war and music. He's running from his destiny and finding sanctuary in all the wrong places and much to everyone's surprise made himself the weird reject of the school. He's prepared to try anything; to him you only live once.

**Ron Weasley:** Harry's best friend, the faithful follower and always by Harry's side prepared to do anything. With shoulder length, blonde streaked hair Ron finally has some of the girls swooning after him, including Hermione. He's never seen without his sunglasses and notebook (for his poetry) and he's finally unleashing his sensitive side. He shocked everyone with his 'Head Boy' badge and took the leadership role to heart, there's a whole new Ron taking on the world.

**Hermione Granger:** Sexy and sassy, this girl has really grown up. Much to her desire Hermione has grown curves in all the right places and mastered her once uncontrollable bushy hair and turned it into sleek, straight and a lovely shade of dark brown. Joining Ron with her 'Head Girl' badge Hermione stills keeps her head on her shoulders and aces every subject in true style, diminishing her "nerd" image and becoming the girl every guy wants to date and every girl wants to be.

**Cho Chang:** Harry's very "special" buddy. She's the drop-dead gorgeous best friend of Hermione's (a shock for everyone). She's smart and bubbly and always talking to everyone. She's comfortable with who she is and knows exactly what she wants and how to get it. She's not afraid to try anything and has her eyes firmly set on Harry, who has eyes for someone else. Driven by jealousy and rage Cho can do some stupid things but at the same time keep her sassy reputation.

**a/n: **Good morning! Good afternoon! Good evening! And Goodnight! Hello again dear readers and welcome to: The Boys Keep Swinging a totally new fic for me, I've never written anything like it. I meant what I said at the top this fic is all about sex, drugs and rock 'n' roll. Everyone has grown up and trying something new and I'm happy to say that yes Harry and Draco WILL share a little something special. I'm branching out from my last depressing/angst fic and giving you all an out there and totally different fic. So I hope you enjoy what my brain has to offer and I shall save my breath for things that are more important, enjoy and happy reading…

**- Chapter One-**

**- "Love is Only a Feeling" -**

_"The state of elation that __This unison of hearts achieved_

_I had seen, I had touched, _

_I had tasted and I truly believed_

_That the light of my life_

_Would tear a hole right through each cloud_

_That scudded by just to beam you and I_

_Love is only a feeling_

_(Drifting away)_

_When I'm in your arms I start believing_

_(It's here to stay)_

_Love is only a feeling, anyway…"_

**The Journal of Harry Potter:**

I'm bored. I'm simply bored with my what my life has got to offer. I'm bored of going to the same "secret" parties that the professor's know about but continue to let us believe they don't. I'm bored of sharing a bed with someone different almost every night, a bad habit I must one day shake. I'm bored of smoking and drinking the same old shit. I want excitement. HELLO, give me some God Damn excitement. Maybe I'll go dye my hair again or something and become someone else again… No, no I like my appearance at this present point of time. Sassy and unique, my original features… with added sass of course. My bedside cabinet is full of contact lenses, so goodbye faithful glasses. You gotta love contact lenses; some can change your eye colour, a beautiful invention… Surprisingly by muggles, what's with that? I suppose they don't get the credit they deserve so to all those great muggles (especially the dashing musicians) I take my non-existent hat off to you. Shit I'm rambling again. I'm supposed to address the issue of my boredom. Well it's slowly, but surley, driving me insane. There's got to be a new girl for me to shag… Nope, sex won't do it this time. Can you believe it, cus I certainly can't. I'm denying sex the opportunity to take away my boredom. It's true what they say, "_Harry Potter is a strange one"_, and well I can't deny that anymore. Ok, ok. I'll think off something but in the meantime I shall conclude this and actually pay attention to the ever-growing ramblings of Professor Binns. Journal, my dear friend, I shall write in here soon. I conclude with the simple phrase I live by: _Live fast, die young and have a good-looking corpse_.

Sincerely your faithful writer

HP

**Hermione's POV:**

What the hell is the point of this class, nobody listens anyway. I know, I should be paying attention but it's almost Halloween, which means a Halloween dance. And as childish as it may sound I'm excited… Maybe Ron will finally find the goddamn nerve to ask me out, I refuse to do it for him.

"Hermione!"

I snapped out of my daydream and looked around, students were filling out of the classroom the bell had obviously gone. Harry, my very sexy best friend, was standing before me smiling.

"Sorry… Daydreaming." I replied and stood up gathering my books in the process.

"Now that's not like you Hermione, daydreaming in a class… Where's my nerdy best friend gone?" Harry joked and draped his arm around my shoulder and led me to the corridor.

"She's gone and she's never coming back… Never" I laughed and gave some cute wizards smiles as I walked. "Besides I can't afford to be nerdish now can I?"

"Well it's just a shame that you're not working as well as you should." Harry said and turned serious. "I know how long you craved to be someone but that doesn't mean you should forgo your studies just for the sake of being liked. I mean look at me I'm the most loved guy here and I'm still a nerd in the classroom."

"And you're so modest about it aren't you" I joked and poked him playfully in the stomach. We climbed the stairs and headed for the common room. "I know what you mean though, but… I can't help it."

"Hermione I've known you since our first year… We're now in our seventh year, that's a bloody long time. And I know you would rather die then end up in a crappy shit hole for a job… What happened to Miss Minister of Magic?" Harry laughed and I bit my lip thinking.

"You're a dickhead Harry." I laughed and walked towards the Fat Lady.

"Where do you think I get it from, I hang around you too much." He laughed and I turned around smiled at him.

"You know I love you." I laughed.

"I love you too—"

Before he could finish Cho Chang, someone I now acknowledge as a best friend, tackled him to the ground.

"Miss me?" She laughed.

"Always do." Harry replied standing up and gathering his books again.

"Are you busy? Cus my dorm's gonna be empty for an hour or two… I made sure it would be." She said smiling seductively.

"Now how can I say no to that." Harry laughed and wrapped his arm around her shoulder. "Hermes can you take my books with you? I'll be gone for a little while… Duty calls."

"No probs… And remember 'No glove, no love'" I replied and grabbed his books.

Cho started laughing and they walked off together with Harry kissing her neck in his own sexy way. I sighed and turned to the Fat Lady and gave her the password and walked into the common room. Ron was already there, sitting on an armchair writing his faithful little notebook. He looked up and smiled.

"Sup Hermione." He said and shut the notebook.

"Hello Ronald, pouring your heart out to your faithful friend again?" I replied and flopped down on an armchair nearby.

"You're just jealous cus you're never going to read it." He said smiling.

"And what makes you think I want to read it…" I said, but secretly I agreed with him.

It's a bad thing to lie…

"Where's Harry?" He asked winking.

"Where he usually is. You know I don't get those two, they tell everyone they're going out and yet they turn around and fuck whoever the hell they want." I said and started twirling my hair, a bad habit I shall one day be rid of.

"It's called an open relationship Hermione. They don't have any restrictions cus they know they can't satisfy all of their wants and needs with each other. They spread themselves around." Ron explained and I rolled my eyes.

"And I suppose you see it as a great way to date." I replied carefully.

"Oh yeah… If you're into that kind of thing." He replied without thinking. I rolled my eyes and stood up hastily and he realised what he'd said. "Shit… I mean… Shit…"

"Goodnight Ronald." I said and stormed off towards the stairs.

"But it's only 4 o'clock." I hear him say and I didn't even bother to reply.

If only he could just use his fucking brain and realise I want him… It's very simple, not rocket science.

**An Extract from Ron's Notebook:**

_Gliding along the ice of my heart  
__She smiles a wicked seductive smile  
__Driving me insane  
__Torturing my brain._

_I close my eyes and my mind kisses her neck  
__Her face, so soft it's like melting in snow  
__Shudders running down my spine  
__I spin her another pathetic line._

_Running through a whirlwind daze  
__She follows me to my dreams  
__Teasing me  
__Taunting me._

_Hiding amongst my childish fears  
_Coyly smiling for my love, my best friend  
_Can she see it?  
__Does she feel it?_

_Falling into my outstretched arms  
__Our hearts beat rapidly as one  
I start believe its true  
So I finally whisper "I Love you…"_

**The Journal of Harry Potter**

I have found the answer! I can redeem my boredom and yes I hate to admit that it involves sex… Although it hasn't occurred yet, well at least not with the desired person. I can't believe I never thought of this sooner, it's been right in front of me all along… But first an update of my life… Cho invited me to her dorm today and I found myself wondering how much longer we'll keep this fucked up game going on… It couldn't really be a relationship, could it? I mean I stopped loving her a long time ago, and Cho… Well Cho's never said she loved me so I've always presumed it was a sexual thing… But fuck me the sex was awesome today and from then it only got more and more interesting, the events are as follows:

I collapsed in Cho's arms panting rapidly. She ran her fingers through my hair and I shuddered slightly. But somehow, and for no reason I could think of I felt nothing. There's usually something there afterwards, but this time I felt nothing. Cho groaned slightly and rolled over onto her side letting the sheet fall down. Still, I felt nothing.

"You know what, Mr. Harry Potter…" She said leaning closer to me, running a finger along my chest. I looked at her expecting an answer; she smiled and gazed into my eyes. "I think I'm finally falling in love with you."

I let out a heavy sigh and gently pushed her off me. She recoiled, hurt and confused. I couldn't be near her, I have no idea why. I stood up and began pulling on my boxers.

"Well… Aren't you going to say something?" Cho demanded sitting up and wrapping her sheet around her, tears forming in her eyes. "I thought this was what you wanted."

I pulled on my jeans and began to button my shirt hurriedly leaving the first three buttons undone. I turned to a saddened Cho and sat on the bed. A tear rolled down her left cheek and I wiped it away softly.

"Cho…" I began and being the true coward that I am I grabbed her hand. "I'm so sorry."

She pulled her hand away from me and edged away. "What? What the hell is wrong with you?"

"I don't know, it just doesn't feel… right?" I said, trying to reason my fucked up mind.

"Right? It doesn't feel right! Harry you've claimed to love me for the past year and a half how the fuck doesn't it feel right?" She demanded and began to pull on her clothes.

"Cho… We've been together for a long time… And in that time we've been apart." I tried to explain.

"Apart? How the hell have we been apart?" She demanded yanking her sweater over her head.

"Well… It's hardly been a 'real' relationship what with the open-ness and all… You know… Our little arrangement." I said and walked towards her. "It's driven us apart. I look at you now and everything I felt has gone. I'm bored, I'm lonely and I don't love you anymore."

It was at that moment that I my face began to sting, and Cho began to cry a little more.

"Did you just slap me?" I demanded.

"Twice!" She snapped and whacked me across the face again.

"Look I'm sorry ok, but don't tell me you didn't see this coming." I said and grabbed her arms, she hits pretty hard… For a girl.

"Fuck you. That's all I have to say." She yelled and wrenched herself free. "I could've had anyone… ANYONE! But I chose you. You wanna know why? Because there was something different about you, from the moment we first kissed I knew you loved me and I knew I would be safe with you…"

"That part of me diminished a long time ago." I whispered and wrapped my arms around her waist. "But you will always have a place in my heart… And in my bed."

Cho's fist collided with my nose and blood began to trickle down my face. I raised my hands in an effort to ease the bleeding and glared at her.

"You filthy bitch."

"Oh fuck off Harry… There's never going to be a place in MY bed for you… GET OUT!"

Her scream echoed off the walls and I edged towards her only to be kicked in the stomach.

"Stay away from me and get out!"

I stood there too long and had to dodge a mirror thrown at my head. I hurried to the door cursing her along the way.

"You fucking psycho dirty bitch!"

A china ornament smashed centimetre's above my head so I ducked out the door slamming it behind me followed by what I presume to have been a vase smashing into the door.

"Fucking hell." I hissed and whispered a healing charm fixing up my nose. I kicked the door angrily and stormed off down the stairs.

I reached the landing off the stairs and was greeted by a clan of swooning, horny teenage girls.

"Is it really over between you and Cho? We heard all the yelling." A curvy red head asked wrapping her arm around my waist.

"Do you need someone to help you recover the … Emotional pain?" A cute blonde asked stroking my chest.

"We can help you out." The gorgeous brunette said getting to her knees.

"As very tempting as this is girls… I'm gonna have to take a rain check… I'll owl you…" I said brushing them off me and headed for the door. "But for now, and I don't mean to sound rude or anything but… Fuck off."

They stepped back and smiled. The brunette, my favourite of three winked. "We'll wait for you."

I nodded and exited the room glaring back at them once the door closed. I had been single how long? And already I was offered a threesome… No wait… A FOURSOME.

"Fuck me…" I whispered and turned around becoming face to face with Draco Malfoy.

God only knows what has become of Draco; he's barely recognisable these days. The menacing blonde devil I once detested is now replaced with a black haired stranger. His cold grey eyes are now permanently outlined with black eyeliner and his left hand finger nails now painted black. He dresses, permanently, in black clothing and has never been seen smiling. All we know is that he went home during the holidays between the fifth and sixth year and came back like this, abandoned by his Slytherin clan and forgotten by the rest of the school. He barely makes eye contact with anyone and is always reading some sort of poetry book or writing down the words to whatever it is he's singing at the time. He's a mere memory of his former self; he's lost and alone. He's a mystery and it fascinates me. I'm not one to be gay… But I'm always up for experimenting and every now and then when my hand tends to wander into my pants its usually Draco that I'm fanaticising about. And now our lips are but inches apart… Dare I make my fantasies come true? No one can resist my advances… Though it does feel strange, having only just ended it all with Cho… But then again she did throw a number of things at my head, hardly a mutual ending… I daresay I must move on… Draco will probably take time… But I always have the possible foursome to keep me busy in the meantime. Fuck I'm rambling again, where was I? Right, inches apart. Draco's lips spread into a sexy smile, which is hard to believe… He never smiles.

"Fuck you, Potter?" He asked getting even closer to me. "Now why would I want to do a thing like that?"

"Because I'm gorgeous and have a penis so large and throbbing you'll be moaning all night." I replied smirking and leaned into his lips.

"Is that so…" He replied and suddenly grabbed my cock with his hand and thrust me against a wall. "Now let me tell you something, I'm no fucking fag, queer, fudge-packer whatever the fuck you wanna call yourself. You got that clear?"

I smirked, grabbed his head thrust my tongue down his throat. For someone who claims not to be a fag, queer, fudge-packer whatever we want to call ourselves, he seemed to be enjoying himself. I let one hand wander down along his waist to the throbbing cock waiting to enjoy itself. Draco squeezed his hand, but not in a harmful way but rather a pleasurable one, and moaned slightly as we pashed the fuck out of each other. My teasing stage was over. I pulled away and got free from his hands, tongue and any other part of him that keep me up against a wall. He stared at me confused and lusting.

"Goodnight my fudge-packing friend." I laughed, blew him a kiss and walked away.

"What the fuck…" He whispered and walked off the other way.

I wandered all the way back to the Gryffindor common room and found myself sitting next to a bummed out Ron.

"Did she say no?" I asked looking at him.

"Never got to ask her." He replied.

"Well what the fuck are you playing at?" I said and hit across the head. "Ask her!"

"I can't… I just can't…" Ron replied and wrapped an arm around my shoulder. "I'm afraid… I mean we've known each other for ages, yet I feel like we're so distant."

"I know what you mean… I feel the same way about Cho… Only you actually love Hermione and want to be with her so there is a difference there." I said and stood up.

"Wait a minute. You don't love Cho?" Ron asked and pulled me back down on the couch.

"Nope." I replied casually.

"Have you told her?" He asked worriedly.

"Yep." I said staring at my nails.

"How did she take it?" He asked edging closer, fascinated.

"Not too well... She threw a vase at me… Punched me, kicked me and slapped me a few times. I left and was confronted by three horny girls seeking a foursome, declined and came back here." I replied, there's no point sharing the gory details of Malfoy and myself.

"A F-F-F-Foursome… You declined a foursome." He asked in complete disbelief.

"Yeah… But they're on call for whenever I want… It's a great world we live in… Hey I can hook you in too if you want?" I offered but he shook his head.

"Nah… Saving myself for Hermione." He replied.

"Well good for you at least one of us can keep our virginity for the one we love…" I replied and sighed. "Now if you'll excuse me I have a date with a bathtub and my hand."

Ron let out a heartily laugh. "Well don't let me keep you… Don't forget you're gonna need a new date for the Halloween Ball now that Cho's out of the picture…"

"Yeah…Maybe I'll ask one of the three girls who offered me sex… The brunette was pretty fit. Actually really fit… And I swear to God you better ask Hermione or I'll cut your balls off and feed them to Fang." I threatened.

Ron shielded himself and nodded. "I shall drink some vodka for courage and seek her out."

"Goodnight Ron… And ah brush your hair first." I replied and headed off upstairs.

Some hours later I find myself writing in you, my faithful friend… The Halloween Ball is in two days, the brunette, whose name has been revealed as Chelsea, has agreed to come with me so I'm all sorted… I think all went well for Ron… I don't know he hasn't come upstairs yet… And now to the issue of Draco… I gave him a taste of what's to come all that I need now is an empty room, a couple of bottles of Vodka and a few condoms… Oh and Draco of course, where would the plan be without him. He does look better with black hair… His eyes stand out more, no longer ghostly but vigorous and enrapturing. I'm sure that if he were a girl, I would fall in love with him… Or, maybe I already am falling in love with him, he's all I think about, he's all I wank about, he's in my dreams, my mind… No. Impossible. I am not gay. I merely experiment. This is merely an experiment. I will not fall for him, he's just another notch on my belt… that is all. Right? Of course, of course that's all. I'm going nuts so I will end it here.

Until next time…

Sincerely Your Faithful Writer

HP

**a/n: **Like I said, it's like nothing I've ever written before. But now it's the only story on my account thanks to the kind removal of the others. I can't even edit or alter _If These Walls Could Talk_ cus stupidly it was the only copy I had… So I start afresh even though I had the ending to the other at home… Poo. Well Anyhoo I present to you: A TOTALLY NEW FIC! Something I've never even thought of writing before… Well before my brain started working again. I'm getting old… Old meaning 16, no time for my old shit… Keyword: shit. Anyhoo I make this brief cus no one likes a rambler. Ciao Amigos, hope you like this… Plenty of slash-tastic action to come!

**Disclaimer: **The song lyrics at the beginning of this chapter belong to THE DARKNESS; from the song Love is Only a Feeling. I own nothing, and I mean nothing Harry Potter related they all belong to J.K Rowling, the publishers and the cheery old chaps at Warner Bro's cus they make the movies… I take my non-existent hat off to you all, especially you J.k … You never seem to disappoint us may your creative mind LIVE FORVER!

**Please read/review… I**

**love you all… **

**Until Next Time… **

**L.E (That's Lil' Eowyn for all of you who don't understand the initials…)**


	2. The Forgotten Son

**a/n** Hey, hey chaps howz it going? I'm making a HUGE PLEA TO EVERYONE! If anyone and I mean ANYONE saved a copy of "If These Walls Could Talk", well what I had done of it meaning chapters 1-10, please PLEASE… Pretty please with ice cream on top SEND IT TO ME. I'm desperate, I cannot begin to tell you how much that fic meant to me and all I want to do is finish it. So again if you have a copy, send it to: there will be many thanks. Anyway I'm working away on this fic right now which rocks cus I have all summer holidays to go nuts with it :D All the same, enjoy… I love you all…

**DEDICATION ALERT: AS PROMISED THIS CHAPTER WILL BE DEDICATED TO PAT! THE MOST FAITHFUL REVIEWER OF IF THESE WALLS COULD TALK. BETTER YET THIS ENTIRE FIC WILL BE DEDICATED JUST FOR YOU MY DEAR! I LUV YA PAT, YOU ROCK THE SOCKS IN THE WORLD OF REVIEWERS :D ENJOY!**

**- Chapter Two - - Forgotten Son –**

"_I've become so numb_

_I can't feel you there_

_Become so tired_

_So much more aware_

_I'm becoming this_

_All I want to do_

_Is be more like me_

_And be less like you…" _

**The Journal of Draco Malfoy:**

Oh what a piteous sight my life has become, even my reflection runs from me… Pity, pity, pity… Fuck it, it's my choice and I live by it. I am a boy of darkness now, I am an enemy of the world… Or so it would seem. But all the same, I love the life I live, even if I am a form of a hermit. Ever since I ran away, I've learnt how to fend for myself, I've learnt to be strong and most importantly I've learnt how to be independent. I don't need anyone to help me… I don't need anything… Well I need one thing. My body craves it, my soul yearns for it… I need to be loved and to love. As the wise Freddy Mercury once sang: "Can anybody find me somebody to love?" I hate to admit it but I've developed a soft spot for muggle music, not the crap they feed themselves these days (well almost all of it is crap, save for the lovely little rock bands and the alternative bands anyway…) but the glorious days of the 90's, 80's and 70's, the days of glam rock and hard drug use, those are the days I keep close to my heart, those are the days I mirror my life to. If I could do anything I would go back in time to be a Rock 'n' Roll superstar… Of course it would never happen so these days I just devote my quiet, sanctuary times (which is 90 percent of my day) to writing the lyrics and music to songs of the past, it's a sad life but I love it. It's something no one can take away from me… That and my cocaine, the drug of the 70's. I've developed a habit or two… I prefer to snort my beloved cocaine then puff away on a cancer stick.

Don't ask me why I'm beginning a journal. I don't even know, probably because I've withdrawn myself from people so much that I need someone to talk to, well some to listen to me. Are you listening? No, I didn't think so, well fuck you, I'm writing anyway. I finally managed to make a Hogwarts proof music instrument, no not a guitar or anything. But it's simular to that muggle musical equipment, object… Thing. Basically I tap it with my wand say the music I want and plug in my earphones and Bob's your uncle I have music! But that's not the point.

I received an owl today from my muggle landlord. It seems my apartment has termites, oh joy another problem to deal with. Yes that's right MY APARTMENT… MUGGLE LANDLORD. When I moved out I lived on the muggle streets for a period of time before stumbling across a job at a local music store and an apartment near the Leaky Cauldron. My mother and father have no idea where I am these days, which I shout for joy about. If they had any idea where I was I fear I'd be dead. Mother devoted herself to Lord Voldemort again (that's right I'm not afraid to say his name) and combine that with the ongoing devotion of my father and you could say I'm doomed to die. Well seeing that you are bewitched to the point that anyone but me could be knocked out for a period of time if they tried to open this, I will tell the truth of my past…

I grew up in a household dominated by a strong hatred for Harry Potter and a love and strong devotion to Lord Voldemort. Even when I was younger I knew I different, I knew I wasn't the same and I'm not talking about being a wizard, I'm talking about being gay. When I first came to Hogwarts I felt it, I acknowledged it and ran from it. At no point in my life has anyone showed me that it is ok to be gay, it has always been frowned upon, almost as much as liking Harry Potter, and therefore I tried to hide it, even from myself. But secrets are hard to keep and this one certainly surfaced. I came home in the summer break between the fourth and fifth year with feelings for Dean Thomas, a Gryffindor in my year. I don't know what it was about him but I was drawn to him and I longed for him and gave into my homosexual desires. So anyway, I arrived home in the summer break and began fantasizing about him, dreaming about him, longing for him. Father wasn't home the first part of the holidays and Mother wouldn't tell me anything, it was then that I knew Voldemort must be either gaining strength or has come back. I pushed it to the back of mind and continued dreaming of Dean. One day when my mother was out I went a step further and my hand began to wander to my pants when my mind turned to Dean, I guess I should have locked my door or something and I never heard the front door open, or my father calling out for me. I just kept going moaning Dean's name, eyes tightly closed. That's when my father crashed through my door and caught me cumming over Dean Thomas, it would be a bit hard not too notice it was a queer moment for me especially since I moaned "Dean Thomas" at the end. My father froze and I froze too panting and afraid. It seemed like a lifetime when in fact it happened in a split second and my father lunged across the room and grabbed me by the throat an threw me across the room. It was then that he began beating me senseless until my blood covered the floor around me. Father stood over me yelling all the homophobic abuse he could think of and I just curled in a ball naked and scared. He stormed out screaming for me to clean up my shit. He told my mother of course and she tried to help me by saying "it's just a phase" and that I'll get over it all in good time.

Father would just have to be patient.

I was determined to regain my father's love and pride so for the entire fifth year I began, against my better judgment and desires, sleeping with and dating Pansy. It seemed to satisfy my Father and towards the end of the school year he came to Hogwarts and told me everything about Voldemort and how my father had once again pledged himself to the Dark Lord and how I should do the same for the honour of the Malfoy Family. I would rather die. Although I am a Slytherin and a Malfoy, I am expected to love Voldemort and want to serve him, I hated Voldemort as much as anyone else. I lied to my father and said I would and that I would go to Voldemort himself to tell him. As the year ended, my father was sent to Azkaban and my mother became distressed and I was summoned to serve Voldemort. I ran. I left a letter explaining everything and I ran. I fled to the world of the muggles, begged on the streets for a long period of time before finding work in a muggle music store.

The first band to draw me into muggle music was The Cure, I think it was the beautiful lyrics that did it and soon I began listening to everything in the store everything from The Who and Queen to David Bowie, The Specials and U2. I spread my music tastes further to Placebo and more alternative bands, which made me, feel whole again. The one band that I listen to and feel human again is Death Cab For Cutie, don't ask me to explain, I can't even explain it to myself. But all the music I hear affects me deeper then any masturbation session could.

Just before school started again, I transformed myself I bought numerous amounts of black hair dye to keep me satisfied all year and cut and dyed my hair black. I transformed my wardrobe; gothic and black, crucifixes hang around my neck, black nail polish on my left hand, pale skin and dark eyeliner. I've morphed into the Draco Malfoy that I hid for five years, the Draco Malfoy that wanted to be set free. Of course Slytherin rejected me, but that was to be expected. I withdrew myself from the rest of the school and kept to myself, my poetry, my drugs and my music. It suited me well and it always will. And now I continue to stand alone, homosexual and content with what has become of my life and me.

But still the issue and desire for love. I have a new desire, I've forgotten all about Dean Thomas (who is clearly a straight boy thanks to the long line of girls he's been through… And in) and set my sights on something new, something that was once forbidden, something that tempts me more then anything else in this world. Harry Potter, the chosen one… It's his own fault really, I mean sure I've always perved on him, on his muscles, on his ass and his figure. So delicate, yet strong. I almost saw him in the buff once. Keyword: almost. I took a stroll and stumbled across him in the quidditch change rooms after practice he was in the shower and I felt the need to "investigate" I began edging closer to the change rooms making sure I looked far from suss at all times and just as he was getting out of the show little miss Cho fucking Chang comes running up to him and suddenly Draco's (me) view is destroyed and Cho gets the naked Harry all to herself. Lucky bitch. But that's' not the point because she can't have him anymore, he left her and came to me, that's right ME. Last night I was on my usual wander of Hogwarts and Harry had just come out of the Ravenclaw common room dishevelled and annoyed. My hopes lifted when he whispered, "Fuck me" and I took the opportunity at hand and asked why I should do such a thing. I thought I fucked it all up when I had an outburst at him for calling me gay… Or what not. But it seems he had something else in mind and suddenly it was all about tongues and groping hands until he just walked away. HE JUST WALKED AWAY. I wanted sex god damn it. Long, hard and erotic sex… With him. He's a nut, a crazy sexy nut and quite the tease too. As he walked away he said: "Goodnight my fudge-packing friend." And now I am confused beyond compare. Do I avoid him, do I acknowledge him in public or do I wait for him to make another move? I'm gonna go with the last one and wait for him.

As for now well now I must brace myself for this fucking Halloween Ball. Well fuck that I don't even want to go. But it seems we all must go, fuck. I don't want to sit around in the Great Hall watching horny teenage wizards and witches get it on, especially when one of those wizards will clearly be Harry Potter. Fuck that, I don't have the self-discipline to sit through it all. But until then I remain here, alone in my bed dreading tomorrow night. I wish you goodnight, which really has no point you're a fucking journal. Righto, I'm off to exercise my right hand.

Goodbye  
D.M

**a/n:** ahhh yeop. That's a little insight into the mystery of Draco Malfoy in this Fic. As you can see this fic will be mix of Point of Views and journal entries. I love it. HAHA. Yeop. I don't really have anything else to say, which is really odd cus I always have SOMETHING to say… Well not this time. I take this opportunity to thank you darlings who reviewed already. Thank you! I'm saving personal thank yous for the next chapter :D Anyhoo I bid you all goodbye for now, until the next chapter. Toodles. disclaimer: The song lyrics at the beginning of this fic belong to LINKIN PARK; the song being Numb a fav of mine… I own nothing, and I mean nothing Harry Potter related they all belong to J.K Rowling, the publishers and the cheery old chaps at Warner Bro's cus they make the movies… I take my non-existent hat off to you all, especially you J.k … You never seem to disappoint us may your creative mind LIVE FORVER!

**Please read/review…**

**I love you all…**

**Until next time…**

**L.E**


	3. Say You Do Say You Don

**a/n:** Ok so I am officially the worst person in the world… Or one of them anyway… It's been so ridiculously long since I've updated this. Argh!! So anyway I've had a sudden release from writer's block and commitment related things that have kept me from working on this. The slash Addict is back. Sit tight chaps and chap-ettes! I know where this all going now. I give you chapter three…

**- Chapter Three –**

** - Say You Do. Say You Don't-**

**"**_**Like an apple on a tree  
**_

_**Hiding out behind the leaves  
**_

_**I was difficult to reach  
**_

_**But you picked me  
**_

_**Like a shell upon a beach  
**_

_**Just another pretty piece  
**_

_**I was difficult to see  
**_

_**But you picked me, **_

_**Yeah you picked me…"**_

**Hermione's POV:**

"I'm not coming, how many times do I have to tell you that!"

The door slammed in my face and I counted to three.

"Cho, honey. I know that you know you want to come. This is crazy it's only Harry!"

The door whipped open at my magical words and a dishevelled and distraught girl stood before me weeping.

"Only Harry?! It's only ever been Harry. It's always come back to him, you know this! All he ever said he wanted was for me to love him the way he loved me and when I finally do he's too busy running in the opposite direction."

She collapsed in my arms and I pushed her gently into her room, closing the door behind me, and sat her down on her bed. I wiped the tears from her eyes and held her hands in mine.

"Cho, you are my best friend. I know you better then anyone, even Harry. You are so much stronger then this. Harry is a chameleon, the biggest one around. You know this. I've told you for years now that your arrangement will only end in tears."

"Oh and I suppose that makes it alright does it?" Cho spat at me and pulled her hands back. "Because precious Hermione says I told you so I'm supposed to feel better am I? Did he bone you too? Did he have you screaming through the night too?"

"No! God no, he's like my brother. Cho be serious. I'm sorry things haven't worked out in a form of happy ending. But the best way to spit this back in is his face is get dressed and get your hot ass wriggling with Seamus at this dance!"

I stared at her she stared back with crossed arms. Then she smiled.

"He's really not worth it is he. Hell, it wasn't really worth it. And I'm almost certain I wasn't falling in love with him either. Yes, it's a rather impossible scenario isn't it? In love with Harry Potter. Ha! Almost as likely as Hagrid having a pet dragon, right?"

"Right!" I beamed at her and pulled her to her feet. "Now where is that hot little green dress you have? You always look so ravishing in that one."

Cho began hurrying around her room pulling layers of clothing off and shimmying her way into her dress, and confidence. Helping her with her hair while she applied her make up I begin to feel a pang of guilt. Sure Cho was undoubtedly my best friend, but so was Harry. A conflict I hope will disappear within the night. They're both joker's at heart, a laughing matter not a screaming one. Oh please don't make me the kitty in the middle.

**Harry's POV:**

"You have got to be the world's biggest prat."

"Ouch mate, isn't that the sort of compliment usually reserved for you?"

I roller my eyes and strutted to my trunk. I'd spent the last half hour listening to how Ron just simply couldn't bring himself to ask out Hermione… Again. Rather, he polished off a bottle of vodka and awoke to a curious group of first years watching him in the morning.

"I'm touched you think so highly of me Ronald, but don't you think it's just a tiny bit ridiculous you don't have any balls between your legs?"

"Look Harry not all of us can shag who we want, when we want ok. Some of us prefer to have that one perfect girl. And now, fuck, she's going with Dean! Dean, of all the wizards. Dean."

With that he kicked his trunk and sat on the floor. I wandered over and sat beside him.

"Ron. I don't think there any feelings between them, well maybe on Dean's behalf. If you could only see the way she looks at you, you'd know what I know."

He smiled at me, regaining himself a little bit. "And what would that be?"

"That she is absolutely, irrevocably in love with you."

"She is isn't she?" He said, springing to his feet. "She totally fucking wants me."

"Well that and she knows you're a total prat."

I had to move quickly to avoid the oncoming tackle and found myself perched on my bed staring a Ron on the floor.

"So tonight's the night. I'm leaving that dance with Hermione under my arm."

"That's my boy." I cheered, pulling him to his feet. "Now, may I suggest we actually dress ourselves if we're ever going to make it to the dance?"

After half and hour of dressing and stying hair we finally enter the great hall, which is decked out in appropriate pumpkins and other assortments of Halloween. Chelsea makes a beeline for me and nestles her way under my arm. Ron throws me a glare for this.

"She's a got a blonde friend, you know." I say and cock an eyebrow at him.

"Right and I explain that to Hermione how exactly?"

"Oooh do you fancy Hermione? I heard she was coming with Dean though." Chelsea asks, innocently.

"She may be coming with Dean, but she'll be coming with Ron later." I chirped and lead the three of us to a vacant table.

"Where is she anyway? When do you think I should do it? I don't want to ambush the girl. Maybe after a few drinks, yeah?"

Ron babbles on suggesting ways he could charm Hermione while I notice a certain black haired boy enter the hall. He was breath taking. He was beautiful. Right on que, as if she could hear my thoughts, Chelsea begins to run her hand along my thigh. Well there goes any queer thought I may have had. Still that black haired boy catches my eyes as he wanders to the lonely table in the darkest corner. I wonder why he even came.

"Jesus."

I turn to look at Ron, as his goblet falls from his hand, and I follow his gaze to the expected. Hermione had entered the hall and she most certainly wasn't alone. Clad in some intricate black mini dress, stockings and a magnificent pair of heels, along with her hair pulled back in a sleek bun. If she wasn't Hermione, if she wasn't spoken for by Ron I'd tried to have her too. Holding onto Dean's arm and giggling she sends me a polite wave and heads our way. It's only then I notice who else is with her.

Cho.

Oh Cho, in all her beauty and confidence, strutting across that hall in that tight green dress that should made illegal and on the arm of Seamus. She meets my eye winks and flips her wild, and freshly curled, hair over her shoulder.

Well just as long as she left any form of vase in her room. This could be a good night.

"Hello boys, started without us I see? And Ronald, no date?" Cho teased, slipping into one of the vacant chairs.

"Trust you to point that one out. No, no date. Not yet anyway." He replied and his eyes darted to Hermione and lingered for a moment, or two.

"Well." I said in my attempt to get things going. "You'll pleased to hear we have successfully smuggled in some rum and vodka, but may I suggest we refrain from getting too smashed here. The after gathering is only a few hours away in our common room."

"Sounds fantastic, Harry. Hit me with some vodka, I always need a few before I dance in public." Hermione laughed and we began our regular socialising.

Hours seemed to pass us by as we had drink after drink. Kiss after kiss. Grope after grope. I hadn't even noticed that Ron had managed to get Hermione to slip away with him. Breaking away from one of my many sessions with Chelsea and watching her wander away for a toilet break, I found myself alone with Cho.

"So, Harry. No hard feelings?"

"No hard feelings." Though feeling slightly curious, I pressed for more details. "Though, why the sudden change of heart. Don't me wrong I'm loving this a hell of a lot more then domestic violence."

She smiled gently. "It was never supposed to be us. I get that now. Its ok."

"Well, I'm sorry all the same. I didn't end the best."

"No it didn't. Though I don't see how it ever could. It was nice for a while. Lets just start over, yeah?"

"Perfect."

She smiled and drank down the remainder of her drink. "Well if you'll excuse me I have a date to rub up against!"

"You're excused."

She danced her way over to Seamus and I watched them hold each other and sway along with the music. Alone at the table I scanned my surroundings and became locked with a pair of silver eyes. Draco quickly arose and hurried out the hall, embarrassed perhaps? I hastened to follow him and left hall.

**Hermione's POV:**

"Oh for God's sake Ron!"

I wretched myself free from his arms and began to walk away.

"Hermione, wait! Please!"

"Ronald. I am here with Dean. Not you. Dean asked me. You didn't. Did you honestly believe I was just going to sit around and wait for you forever."

"I'm a prat, I know. But Hermione, I need you and I know you need me too. Please just listen."

"Don't do this to me. Don't run me round in circles."

"I only want you."

The silence hung over us and I struggled to keep the tears that were building up from pouring out my eyes. A silent tear ran down my cheek, his hand brushed it away and he took my hands in his.

"Hermione. I am in love with you."

"Ron… I."

"I should have done this a long time ago, but when have I ever been the one with the intelligence to do what's needed?"

"Never. Ron I have been waiting for you for so long."

"Likewise."

He bent his head towards mine and I allowed myself to be completely overcome by him, like I've always dreamt of. He wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me closer to his body. I could his heart thumping with mine as he kissed me harder. My hands knotted in his hair and he released me with a gasp.

"Hermione…"

"I know. I've always known."

He held my hands and kissed each finger, staring into my eyes. I can't even begin to imagine how we ended up in the common room. He pushes me gently against the wall and runs his hand along my leg and warps it around his hip. Kissing me again he grasps tightly onto my thigh and suddenly I am pulling at the buttons on his shirt and we climbing the stairs to his dormitory kissing and groping every part of each other. Once inside his dormitory we break away and stare at each other.

"Are you sure?"

"Ronald, I've never been so sure of anything in my life. I'm ready."

I walk towards him slip off his shirt and trace my fingertips along his chest and behind his shoulders. His hands trace down my body to the hem of my dress and he pulls it up over my head. I find his lips with mine and pull him close to me. The warmth of his body is reassuring and I feel the comfort I have been longing for. I begin to tug at his pants, as he does with my underwear until there is nothing between us. I pull him to his bed and he lays me down taking in every part of me, as I am of him. He hovers above me and I can feel him against my skin. His lips are gently on mine again and he his kissing along my jaw line and down my neck, while his hand slowly slides down my body. I can feel myself getting hotter, and him harder as he touches and he kisses me.

I'm melting.

I feel him spread my legs and he hovers just above me. His lips millimetres from mine. I can taste his breath. And then I can feel him and I can't prevent the gasp that escapes my lips.

"Ron."

**Harry's POV:**

"Hermit looks good on you."

"I'm sorry?"

I edge towards him and smirk.

"I said: hermit looks good on you. Thought you'd like to know."

"Right."

He starts to walk away and up the stairs so I follow. After a while he stops and we are staring at each other for longer then either of us could have anticipated.

"Look, Harry I'm not into mind games ok. So why do you just say what you need to say and be done with it."

"I know you dream about fucking me."

"Excuse me?"

"Don't try to deny it. It's a turn on."

"Last I checked you were the one ramming me against the wall. If anyone is dreaming of a homo shag, its you."

I strolled towards him and smirked.

"But don't try to tell me you haven't been thinking about it. Its very naughty to lie, Draco."

"What do you want from me?

"The same you want from me."

"Oh I find that very hard to believe. Just leave me alone. I suspect your buxom brunette is wondering where you've escaped to."

"Do I detect a hint of jealousy in your voice, Draco?"

"You wish."

"Every night"

And then there was silence again. I could almost see the longing in his eyes and I strode past him, grabbing his hand and pulling him along.

"What are you—"

"Shut up Draco. Just follow me."

I headed towards where I knew the room of requirement to be, all the while thinking of exactly what I needed. Reaching the door I stopped in front of it.

"The room of requirement?"

"Well you would hardly expect someone to find us here wouldn't you?"

"Look I don't know what you're doing, if this is some prank just get it over and done with."

"No prank."

"Then what?"

I opened the door and stepped inside. Hearing the door close behind me and footsteps I knew he had followed me. In the centre of the room was a huge bed with a think black quilt and pillows. Candles hung, alit, all around the room along with the occasional mirror. I walked towards the bed and slipped my jacket off allowing it to fall to the floor. I turned and stared at him.

"Harry. Look I know you don't want the same things as I do. I've seen you cavorting with Cho and the girls you had on the side. I'm not going to be that for you."

"How do you know that's all I want?"

"You're Harry Potter."

"You don't know everything about me."

"I know enough."

Another silence hung between us. And I sighed.

"Ok I'm going to be honest with you draco. I would like very much to sleep with you. I don't know why but you have been invading my mind for a while now and there is something about you that I cant' seem to figure out."

"Oh?"

"You have me watching your every move. When I'm not near you I'm thinking how I can be. I don't understand it, but I think we can figure something out."

"You do realise I have been in love with you for too long."

"I didn't. You never. Why?"

"You seem to be everything I want. And if you think I am just going to give myself to you tonight just so you can try to figure something out for yourself you are mistaken. I'm not someone's one pit stop, I'm the fucking destination."

"Well can't we just find something in between?"

"Why? So you can crawl back to your common room, get drunk and fuck some brunette? I don't think so."

He turned and headed for the door and wave of emotion hit me. Something extremely uncommon for me.

Rejection.

"Draco, wait!"

I rushed towards him and spun him around.

"You can't win this one Harry. You know you don't really want it."

"You have no idea."

I grabbed his face in my hands and suddenly my lips were on his. In my surprise he didn't break away, but I knew it wouldn't be long until his head took over his body so I used every moment I had. We found our way to the bed and I lay on him kissing him fervently, running my hand along his body. I could feel his tongue along mine and his hand pulling my hips tighter against his. He flipped me over and the kiss became stronger. His hand ran down my body until it stopped at my pant zipper.

Then it all seemed to end and he was off the bed.

"This is not happening."

Before I could say anything he was out the door and down the corridor. I should follow him. I should say the thousands of things running through my head.

Instead I make my way to my common room, like he said.

Instead I get drunk, like he said.

Instead I fuck some brunette, like he said.

**The Journal of Draco Malfoy_:_**

I am a wanker. I am the biggest one around.

I had Harry Potter in a bed, something highly unlikely to happen again in the near or distant future.

I am a wanker because I ran away.

And somehow I feel accomplished about this outcome. I think I did the right thing. This isn't like a game of hard to get. Its about making him realise what I know he feels.

I saw it in his eyes tonight. He loves me. Though he doesn't know it yet, but he will when he realise that void in his life can only be filled by me. He'll know when he looks at me, when he really looks at me, and sees everything he's wanted. He'll know when he touches me and an electric rush hits him and his heart is pounding so hard it just might leap out his chest. He'll know when he wakes up from a dream of me and longs for that touch more then he longs for food, water and life.

He'll know when he kisses me, when he really kisses me.

He'll know.

I have more patience then I thought possible. Though I doubt this will be a long process for Mr Potter. I will wait for him.

And until that sweet release, I'll keep him in my dreams.

D.M

**An Extract from Ron's Notebook:**

Your fingertips along my skin

Your lips along my neck

Your breath warms me

Your touch is beyond inviting

This state of love we are in

Is the essence of ecstasy

Is the core of beauty

Is the reason I am here

Love is love

And you belong to me

As I belong to you

Like I always have

**The Journal of Harry Potter:**

I am trapped in a circle:

Sex. Drugs. Booze. School. Sex. Drugs. Booze. School.

I can't seem to find the escape. I am trapped, when there are so many places I'd rather be. Where I should be.

I have spent another night doing the same old thing and I find myself sitting in the same boredom. At least some of us have finally found where we need to be. I speak of course of Hermione and Ron. I found them wrapped up in post sex bliss after the dance, much to my delight and Dean's dismay. It appears Ron has finally got his act together. The remainder of our evening, and early morning, was spent drinking, talking and playing game after stupid game. Cho seems to have forgiven and forgotten as she wrapped herself around Seamus and whispering in his ear all evening. I bet you the entire contents of my Gringotts vault I could tell you everything she said. I spent too long hearing the same thing. As for Chelsea. Well I couldn't let the poor girl down. She seemed to have forgiven my disappearance easily and I found her constantly nuzzling my neck all evening until I led her to bed where she still remains, naked and asleep. Have I mentioned how perfect her breast are?

So why am I not satisfied?

Silver eyes. Silver eyes are all I ever seem to see. Silver beautiful eyes. What is happening to me? I can't be falling in love, that just doesn't happen to me. I am merely wanting something I can't have and he knows that. He is playing on that, I am sure. Telling me he is in love with me, a careful ploy to have me chasing him. He doesn't love anyone. I am chasing and he is deliberately leading me in circles.

And yet. There was something in his eyes, when he looked at me, that tells me otherwise. Of course I could have hallucinated the look, the candles may have tampered with my vision. There is no question about it. This thing between Draco and myself is nothing more then one boy leading the other on a wild goose chase.

But why? Has he grown so tired with his hermit nature that he wants someone to toy with? I will not give into this, I will not chase. What's the point in chasing when there's nothing to claim when you find it? This is ridiculous, I am not making any sense.

Unless. No, impossible. I refuse to believe it.

I'm falling in love with Draco Malfoy.

Sincerely your faithful writer

HP

**a/n:** Ok so don't ask me where any of that came from, but I can say I know exactly where it's going and where it's not going. I'd like to take this opportunity to thank the lovely people who have taken the time to read this, and those who have taken the time to review it too. Thank you. As for me, it is way past my sleep time and I very much enjoy my sleep.

**Disclaimer:** The song lyrics at the beginning of this fic belong to the lovely A Fine Frenzy and her song You Picked Me. If you have not heard her music you are missing out. I own nothing, and I mean nothing Harry Potter related they all belong to J.K Rowling, the publishers and the cheery old chaps at Warner Bro's cus they make the movies… I take my non-existent hat off to you all, especially you J.k … You never seem to disappoint us may your creative mind LIVE FORVER!

**Please read/review…**

**I love you all…**

**Until next time…**

**L.E**


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